We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
