38 yer olds are good kisserssss
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
