Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
