i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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