My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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