I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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