I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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