Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
