I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
