Someone shit on the floor
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
