Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
