Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
