So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
