After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
