nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
