So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
