I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
