first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Randomize
