he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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