i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
