you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
