So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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