It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
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