First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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