your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
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I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
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All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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