I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
