gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Randomize
