When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
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as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
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Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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