my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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