Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
