who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
