There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
