Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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