your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
