i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
