I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
