I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
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I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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