No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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