you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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