So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
