a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
