You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
