ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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