don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
