Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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