yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
