I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I need a burrito and a hug.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
