i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
