he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
