So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
