She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
