That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
