Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm having to shit out rocks
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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