Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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