he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
