Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
