Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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