he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
