Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
