You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
it hurts more in the daytime
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
