I feel like I'm in dance class right now
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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