rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
In other news, I just burned my penis
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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