mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
