True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
