I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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