It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
