I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
