now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
