i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
