no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
So much rum. So many feels.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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