oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
