i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
