the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
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She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
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I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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