made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
