so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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