Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
