the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
