BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
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So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
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I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize