when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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