you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
