Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
