she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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