Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
